Yesterday was hard for me, Jonah underwent tests for his food allergies, and I had to be the one to hold him down as the 20 small needles got stuck in his back one after the other :(. It was one of the hardest things my heart had to go through as a mom so far. Though I know there are many others who go through so much worse than this, it still made my heart sink to hear my baby crying for help, in pain, scared and confused and looking at me as if he was saying, “Mommy please help me!” And all I could do is pray, and hold him down as hard as I could… and wait for it to be over.

The worst part was after it was over and we were left alone to wait for the results…I was holding him close to my chest stroking his head, he had already calmed down and it was silent…then all of a sudden he started crying again, remembering and reliving what just happened. My heart broke, and tears welled up. I shook it off and smiled and told him stories, and soon he was fine again.

God speaks.

He teaches us His love as we live out being parents to our own children. He allows us to experience suffering in this life, and His heart feels our pain more than anyone through it all. But He knows that suffering has a purpose. A purpose greater than we understand at the time it happening. A refining of ourselves that will allow us to live a more full life.

God is purifying me through my children. He is opening my eyes to His love and His heart through Gabriel, Jonah, Benjamin and Zoe (our first who we lost through miscarriage). And also as Mother Mary suffered at the foot of the Cross, I have to believe that any suffering my children may go through can also be used to defeat death, give glory to God and to change this world.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen this video. Still makes me cry just the same. I pray for all my friends who are parents (or are longing to be parents) and have gone through much suffering. We know this responsibility asks a lot of us. But it’s amazing as we look deeper how it all draws us back home to His heart.